you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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