When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
