Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize