shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
