I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
