sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize