That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
