i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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