counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
