We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
