someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
