I can tuck mytits in my pants
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
