VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize