paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
