omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
