I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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