Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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