Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize