My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
