hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
