My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
