I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He passed out mid-signature
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
