may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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