I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
even my farts smell like vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
