I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
