Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
