3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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