I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
