Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize