the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
