i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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