I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize