Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
