I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
