I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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