I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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