The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
