Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
