she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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