I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
