Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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