How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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