my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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