You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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