I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
