I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
