dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
