we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
