he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
