I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish my penis had a tongue
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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