Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
