Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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