I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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