after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
