Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

Fav 33 1028 6325
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(502): View more from Kentucky

he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.

Fav 42 1777 5112
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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

Fav 17 7418 2164
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(609): View more from New Jersey

you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.

Fav 13 2413 4145
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

Fav 2 3249 1520
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning

Fav 5 3613 1326
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(210): View more from Texas

BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed

Fav 6 1784 845
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(705): View more from Ontario

Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..

Fav 3 568 295
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(330): View more from Ohio

Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.

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