apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
