"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
