It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
