I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
