K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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