1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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