i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
