dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
