I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
