Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
