He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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