I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
