Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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