Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
