dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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