Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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