I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
