Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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