Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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