In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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