The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
