this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
