Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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