1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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