miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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