So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
