He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
