For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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