So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
