My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
