The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
