I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
