its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it because I queefed?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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