Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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