I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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