Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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