Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
