I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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