direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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