Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
