marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
