I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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