so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
