Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
