I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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