i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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