i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
