Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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