How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize