There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
