i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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